


Now's The Time

by CrashDevil (cjdevlin19)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Gen, Regrets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-21
Updated: 2018-10-21
Packaged: 2019-08-05 02:09:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16358651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cjdevlin19/pseuds/CrashDevil
Summary: Y/n should have waited. Dean shouldn't have. *This one's painful. I'm sorry.*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~“She’s not going to be able to save me, is she?” You whispered, biting the inside of your cheek.“No.” A figure sat beside you on the top step, surveying the scene before the two of you. Rowena still twittered around the first library table, but Sam, Dean and Cas all sat around the map table, either staring at, or avoiding staring at, you. You… laid out on the table, arms folded over your chest, looking for all the world like you were just in a deep sleep. The only indication of anything wrong was the blue of your lips, the black of your fingertips, and if someone were paying attention (and your friends were) they’d notice your breathing coming in more shallow with each inhale.





	Now's The Time

The redhead fluttered around her temporary altar set up on one of the library tables in the bunker. Of course, all of Rowena’s altars were temporary. She never stayed in one place long enough to need a permanent one. **  
**

“A little of this, a little of that…” She muttered, Scottish accent a bit sing-song as she poured ingredients from bottles into a large copper bowl. “Hmm. Too much of that. We’ll have to compensate with more…”

“Rowena, concentrate, goddamnit!” Dean growled.

“Don’t bark at me. That’s not  _helping_!”

Dean rubbed a shaky hand across his mouth and slumped in his chair. From your place at the top of the spiral staircase, he looked deflated. To think that this was the great Dean Winchester crying silent tears was almost shocking.

“She’s not going to be able to save me, is she?” You whispered, biting the inside of your cheek.

“No.” A figure sat beside you on the top step, surveying the scene before the two of you. Rowena still twittered around the first library table, but Sam, Dean and Cas all sat around the map table, either staring at, or avoiding staring at, you. You… laid out on the table, arms folded over your chest, looking for all the world like you were just in a deep sleep. The only indication of anything wrong was the blue of your lips, the black of your fingertips, and if someone were paying attention (and your friends  _were_ ) they’d notice your breathing coming in more shallow with each inhale.

“How long?”

“You could come now, if you wanted.” The dark-skinned Reaper-turned-Death who came to retrieve you patted your back, soothingly. “But I understand if you wanna stay a while.”

“How could she be so  _stupid_?” The older Winchester growled, suddenly.

“Dean, stop.” Sam said, quietly.

“No, man, come on!” Dean stood, the chair screeching as it slid backward, teetering but not toppling over from the force. “We told her to  _wait_! We were two states away and we  _told_ her to wait! She shoulda had someone there to watch her back and she didn’t, and now  _look_ at her!”

Sam stood, a somber look on his face as he put a hand on his brother’s shoulder. “I know, Dean.” He said, softly.

“Sam, look a-at her.” You closed your eyes at the pain in Dean’s voice as it broke. “I can’t lose her, Sam. I can’t lose her, not when I haven’t even had a chance to tell her.”

“Dean, she’ll… we’ll fix this. You’ll have a chance to-to tell her.” Sam said, softly.

“I’d speak now, Dean.” Billie’s voice was a slow drawl as she stood, and you could tell by the way every set of eyes flew to her as she descended the staircase that she’d made herself visible to them… and you could tell by their expressions that they all knew what her presence meant.

“No.” Dean immediately denied it, shaking his head.

“She’s listening, Dean. If you have something you need y/n to hear… now’s the time.”

“Billie, isn’t there some way we could-” Sam started.

“It’s her time. As soon as she opened the door to that bookstore, she wiped every other book off her shelf,  _every_ ending… except this one. In four minutes, she stops breathing… and I take her. So, if you got something to say, you got four minutes to say it.”

Dean broke down then, tears rolling down his face as he dropped heavy into the chair next to your body. You wanted to rush to him, embrace him, wipe his tears, apologize for being stupid, for being the reason he had to live on without another one of his friends… but you didn’t. You walked slowly down the steps to stand next to the map table, next to your dying body.

“I’m so fuckin’ stupid. I should’ve fuckin’ told you. I thought about it every fuckin’ day an-and I kept givin’ these fucktarded excuses on why, why I couldn’t just tell you I loved you.” Your eyes went wide at Dean’s words. You’d never even considered he might feel anything more than friendship for you. “I told myself that you’d make a move if you felt the same, that if I let it show it’d ruin our friendship, that I’d chase away the best thing in my life. And now, it’s too late. It’s too late to tell you… to see your face when you hear me say ‘I love you’.”

Dean wiped at the tears rolling down his chin and shook his head. “Damn it, y/n! Why didn’t you wait for us?!”

“I’m sorry, Dean.” You whispered… but he didn’t hear you.

“I should’ve known you wouldn’t wait, though. I mean, how we met, savin’ our asses from Crowley by distracting his hounds, putting yourself on the line for two dudes you never met before. I knew you were crazy that night… and I knew I was fallin’ for you two months later when we did those vamps. You just looked so amazing covered in blood and dirt and sweat and you looked so damn happy to be there, to be hunting, to be helping…” A sob tore from his throat. “God, y/n… I’ve loved you for years and I should have said. I should have told you how your smile makes my day, how I get lost in your eyes, how watching you headbang to  _Bohemian Rhapsody_  makes it seem like there’s nothing heavy weighin’ me down. I should have made that move back in February when Sam told me you were interested. I should have- and now I-”

He reached over and grabbed your hand, pulling it to his lips and kissing your knuckles. You ran your hand through your hair, sadness pulling at your features. “Will you tell him I love him, too?” You looked over at Death. “ _Please_ , Billie.” You begged.

Billie gave you an indecipherable look, then turned to Dean. “She wants you to know she loved you, too.”

Another sob pulled from him and you knelt down in front of him, trying to see his eyes in his downturned face. “I wish you could hear me… see me… I’d tell you all about how your eyes make me feel like I can fly, how I never liked Zeppelin ‘til I heard you sing  _Ramble On_ … I’d tell you how sorry I am that I’m the cause of this sadness in you. Dean, I wish I had waited before walking into that shop… and I wish you  _hadn’t_ waited to tell me how you feel. This is so fucking tragic… and you’re the one who has to live with this tragedy and I’m so sorry.” You shook your head. “I’m so fuckin’ sorry.”

Your eyes moved to your body, to your chest which had stopped moving. “Oh, God.”

“That’s four.” Billie said, stepping toward you.

“Please, don’t.” Dean begged. You could see him squeezing your hand tighter. “Please don’t take her, Billie.”

“I have to, Dean.  _She_ can’t cheat Death.” Billie put her hand on your shoulder. “It’s time to go.”

“Is he going to be okay?” You asked, standing.

Death smiled. “She’s worried about you, Dean.”

“She’s dying and she’s worried about  _me_?” Dean asked, wonder in his voice. “I’ll be all right, y/n. Next time I’m in Heaven, I’ll look you up, huh?” He tried to hide his pain, but it didn’t work.

“I’m looking forward to it, Dean.”

Dean smiled, sadly. “Said she’s lookin’ forward to it, didn’t she?”

“Maybe you’ll see this as incentive to stay on the other side next time.” Billie said, as she walked you toward the stairs. As you approached the bright white light, you couldn’t help but look back at Dean, whose eyes hadn’t left Billie. “Come on. You’ll see him again.”

You took a deep breath, swallowed, and walked into the light.

You blinked into the sun, looking away with a smile as the first notes of a song filtered through the Impala’s speakers. “ _Leaves are fallin’ all around. Time I was on my way. Thanks to you, I’m much obliged for such a pleasant stay. But now it’s time for me to go. The autumn moon lights my way._  Come on, y/n, you know the words.” Dean smiled as he drove, picking the song back up. “ _-smell the rain, and with it pain, and it’s headed my way. Ah, sometimes I grow so tired. But I know I’ve got one thing I got to do.”_

You smiled, leaning your head against his shoulder. “ _Ramble on! And now’s the time, the time is now, to sing my song!_ ” You sang along, happily. 


End file.
